The Christmas Party Memos To All Employees

The Christmas Party Memos To All Employees  gets funnier as you read each “memo”.  A huge THANK YOU goes out to Jody for actually messaging this one to me on my Facebook Fanpage. I’m sure you all will get a laugh out of this one! Enjoy!

COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small
band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will
be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

 

COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re
calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols
will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA
Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED!!

 

COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
Gay men, and each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no
cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in
the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the
food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a
bite first.

There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

 

COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and

you’ll get your  f***ing  salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard
them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f***ing weirdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten
holiday!

Get Drunk and Hope You Lose Your Keys!

The Bitch from Hell!!!

 

COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2012 

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery, and
I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!
Joan

 

 

HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THIS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES! 

SINCERELY, THE RAT 

 

SOURCE:  www.antionline.com