Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just…you’ve taken a shit! Here are some funny shit definitions to help you better understand what has just taken place.
**WARNING** Strong Language and Smelly Content follows:
You know you’ve shit. There’s shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean, and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, and you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You’re all done wiping your ass and you’re about to stand up when you realize it…you’ve got some more!
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
2nd Wave Shit
This happens when you are done shitting, pulled up your pants to your waist, and you have to shit some more.
The Cleanser Shit
You shit so much you lose 10 lbs.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet!! Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else’s house. Better start looking for a plunger…FAST!
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times…but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you’d gotten a spinal block before you shit.
This shit is fairly soft…about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it’s still floating in there. “My God! How do I get rid of it?” This shit usually happens at someone else’s house as well.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You’ll know it’s alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day “after” the night before. Normally your shit doesn’t smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually you’ll have to clear the house to spare the rest of your family the toxic fumes!
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
Upper Class Shit
The kind of shit that comes out perfectly: Doesn’t touch the bottom of the toilet, doesn’t smell, and defies all laws of shitting.
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit happens when you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it, it ALWAYS floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you’re trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Surprise Shit
That is when you are not even at the toilet because you are so sure that you all you have to do is fart, but oops…surprise…a piece of shit!
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it’s normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. When you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise. Better seek a plunger FAST!
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish. Then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche – but with rocket propulsion, and it splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down…you fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
The Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much, wipe your ass so furiously that you run out of toilet paper and you say, “OH SHIT!”
The Never Ending Shit
It’s the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea. Just when you start wiping your ass, your stomach gargles and splash…more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch…That Shit Hurt
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.